Human Cattle
I just flew out to NC for the weekend to spend some time with Tina, do a few wedding things and fix a lawnmower. A few thoughts about airports/air travel:
The conveyor walk things – I’m pretty sure they are in place to expedite pedestrian traffic, not to save people from the horror of walking 100 yards. If putting one foot in front of the other is an action you just can’t muster the energy to accomplish, please step to one side (including your bags) because without fail, United Airlines has changed someones itinerary (mine) and given them 37 seconds to get from concourse D to Concourse C at Dulles.
Boarding – It’s not musical chairs…everyone has a seat, they were even so kind as to put which one is your on your ticket. When the kind lady announces “We will now board group 2″ in a tone that make you wonder if she really means “All you schleps that can’t afford first or business class”, there is no need to barrel your way through line like your over sized carry on is a football and the jetway is the endzone. There is only one seat 14A, it’s yours, and no one is going to beat you there.
Upon Landing: Just chill. Here’s a crazy thought. If we all disembark the plane from the front to the back, I’m guessing things will move a lot smoother. Think about it, you can relax in your seat while folks up ahead gather there things, you can sit comfortably instead of standing there making the “hmmph” sound repeatedly when thing are not moving fast enough, and you won’t have to clobber 37 people in the back of the head with that oversized carry one as you rush off the plane like it’s on fire.
Close quarters: Breathmints…yes, that airport lunch of Tex-Mex now smells like someone rolled a skunk in sewer and set it on fire to everyone but you.
And finally to the crew: Thanks for what you do, I’m sure it’s a thankless job…BUT…do you really have to say “Enjoy your flight” or “Hope everyone enjoyed the flight”? Really? Does anyone ever enjoy a flight? Has anyone ever bought a ticket from OKC to OKC just so they could fly around for a few hours and enjoy it? Unless they once passed one of those semi trucks hauling chickens packed into those cages on the interstate and though “Wow, that looks like fun!”…I’m guessing not. Maybe “Thank you for flying United and we hope your tolerate your flight!” would be more appropriate.
On a side note…as I left the plane in RDU I noticed a man with no legs waiting for the plane to clear so the could bring the isle-width wheelchair on board for him and of course felt kinda bad for the fella…..until he passed me in the terminal in his personal high speed low drag wheelchair shortly afterwords. I wonder if he felt bad for me hauling my bags across the airport in my flip flops as it was apparent his mode of travel was MUCH more efficient. At least in that moment ONE of us appeared handicapped, and it wasn’t him.
