Who are you mad at?

Right now, who are you angry with? Way to often, people do us wrong either intentionally or inadvertently, and to often we respond with anger. It comes in many forms…hostility, avoidance, revenge, or just sitting around wishing they would get hit by a milktruck.

Now let me ask you this. Have you ever known “that guy” (or girl) who was just mad at the world. I’m talking about a disposition so nasty it would make a Doberman look like a Shih-Tzu. The kind of person that after a few minutes in the same room with them you wanted to throw yourself under a milktruck. I’d bet if you talked to that person enough, you’d find out they hadn’t always been that way, but had gradually gotten to that point because time and time again someone had done them dirty. I know a few people like that, and can even recall a time or two in my life where I’ve been that person. Time when I had stored up so much anger toward people that truly “deserved it” that it had melded itself into one huge wad of resentment. Times where I had taken all of the uglyness shown me and said “Hey, thanks. Let me hold on to that, carry it around with me and make sure that it continues to effect me indefinitely.” Funny thing is, how did that anger or resentment effect the person (or people) that I felt were responsible. Without a doubt…it didn’t. Either they wronged me on purpose to hurt me…in which case I was now carrying around a big sign that said “Mission accomplished”, or they didn’t even realize the consequences of what they had done, and chances are didn’t even realize what the effect had been. Either way, I was the only person it was effecting. Allowing it to effect my happiness and inner peace. The result was my bitterness ruining current relationships with friends and loved ones, or preventing new ones from ever happening. Honestly, can you think of one example in your life where anger or resentment has had a positive outcome? Me either.

So what do we do? How do we deal with it. It an easy answer to say,but a difficult plan to follow through with. We forgive. And I mean TRULY forgive. Not say “Well, I forgive that person, but next time they come to me needing something they be just as well off to jump in a river.” or “He’s forgiven, but that SOB better not so much as look at me cross or I’m gunna feed him his teeth”. THAT can be the hard part.

A few years back, two people wronged me more than anyone ever in my life. Their actions cost me everything I valued at the time. And the anger and resentment that it created within me made our national deficit look like pocket change. I plotted revenge, I wanted to see them suffer just as much as I did..even more. Months after the fact I would sit around thinking about it and drive myself into a rage…sleepless nights, bad moods, depression…even suicidal thoughts. I knew the only way I could get my life back on track was to let it go, to forgive, but I had no idea how to do it…didn’t think it was possible.

So how did I do it? I started to really think about my past actions toward people…and realized that in the past, I had been guilty of the same actions they had committed against me. I knew the remorse I felt for what I had done, and knew I was now a different person. But I wondered if the people I had wronged had ever forgiven me. In thinking about it, I realized that I had never even apologized to most of them. Then I read Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, Just as Christ forgave you”. That’s when it got really heavy. I thought about the forgiveness Christ has given me. Whoa. Believe me (and those of you that truly now me will), if anyone ever didn’t deserve Christ grace, it was me. It really astounding if you think about it…36 years of disobedience, mockery and absolute knuckleheadedness forgiven in an instant. Not because I deserved it, not because of my actions,not because of who I am…but because of who he is. Wow, I wanna be like that guy! So I just decided to let it go…completely. I didn’t care if they were sorry, I didn’t care if they even felt bad for what they had done…I have no control over that…I can only control what I feel. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t an instantaneous thing. There were times when those feeling would creep back in, but I would think about the things listed above until the subsided. After awhile it was gone…and even today sometimes I’m surprised. These two people are still in my life, and when I see them…nothing. No only is the anger gone, but I actually want good things for them. NEVER thought I’d get to that point, and the fact that I have is true testament to God’s power, because there is NO way I could have gotten there myself. But I’m glad I did. Because I’m happy again. And I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t admit there is a sense of accomplishment that comes with. I’m proud of myself…which makes me even happier. So now instead of a snowball effect leading me toward sleepless nights, bad moods, depression and suicidal thoughts, it’s a snowball effect leading more toward afternoon naps, great moods that include random breakdancing sessions in the middle of my office, elation and thoughts that make me wonder how I could have ever thought about the stuff I was thinking about.

What’s the point? Well, like most of most of my posts I started out with a point, but forget what it is by the time I finish. Oh yea! If you angry at someone, forgive them. Even if you don’t believe me, even if you don’t know Christ and that correlation seems like hogwash to ya, give it a try…what have you got to lose? You will be the one who benefits most…trust me. To those who I have wronged in the past (I’d make a list, but a list that size would crash the internet), I’m sorry, and I hope you can forgive me. To all those who have wronged me in the past…I ain’t even mad at ya!

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~ by dannoellis on March 29, 2009.